She’s your best friend and you love her, honest you do…but then one day she wins the talent competition, and suddenly you can’t stand to be around her anymore. Your stomach is all churned up and you can’t help thinking, “She thinks she’s so great…” even though part of you knows it just isn’t true.
The Green-Eyed Monster
When it comes to ruining friendships, few emotions beat that green-eyed monster, jealousy. What makes it so powerful—and potentially destructive? With everyone from parents to teachers to TV shows telling you to “just be yourself,” a sudden longing to be more like somebody else can be confusing! Your self-confidence suffers. You start worrying that you’re “not good enough,” even though you were good enough just yesterday. Then the resentment creeps in: “She’s so perfect! She gets everything, and I get nothing.” And to top it all off, you feel guilty, too. How can you resent someone else’s success or good fortune like that—especially if she’s your friend? (What kind of person are you, anyway?) Between feeling down on yourself, resenting your friend, and the guilt, you’re totally miserable…and if that isn’t bad enough, your friendship suffers, too.
Yet jealousy is perfectly normal. In fact, it’s a pretty safe bet that every single girl you know has felt it. After all, we live in a competitive world, where girls are expected to strive be “the best” (even while they’re being themselves!). Seeing someone who is better at anything can sting, even if we know deep down that nobody’s perfect.
So what can you do about it? You can’t help feeling jealous, right? Maybe not, but youcan keep jealousy from running your life. The key is to stop it from seeping into all thoseother thoughts and feelings. And the first step to doing that is to own up to the feeling—at least to yourself. Just admit it: You’re jealous! (Was that so hard?)
The next step? Remind yourself that feeling jealous has nothing to do with being “good enough.” No matter how talented or beautiful or accomplished, every human being feels jealous sometimes, not just those of us who aren’t “good enough”—whatever that means. If you can truly accept that everyone has both talents and flaws, you’ll see that it's pointless to focus all your powerful energy on wishing you were someone “more perfect,” because there’s just no such thing.
Let’s go back to the idea that you can't help how you feel. That’s certainly true enough…but you can help how you act on those feelings. If you want your friendships to survive the occasional attack of the green-eyed monster, it’s important to understand that jealousy is never an excuse for treating a friend badly. Is it her fault your BFF makes every basket she throws, or dance the best? Of course not! So don’t pout or brood or bite her head off…instead, turn that jealousy into a compliment. Did she make an awesome catch today? Does her new haircut make her look like a movie star? Tell her so! Believe it or not, you’ll feel better—and she will, too.
Even in girls with lots of self-confidence, jealousy can sometimes spring up where you least expect it. But if you know how to handle it, the green-eyed monster doesn’t have to threaten the friendships you care so much about. In fact, there’s even some good that can come from jealousy, if you let it. Think about it: That little sting of envy springs from deep admiration, right? So let that admiration spur you to action. If you admire your friend’s success at science competitions, consider your own talents and interests, and find a way to go after that kind of success for yourself. Instead of letting the green-eyed monster make you miserable, turn it to your advantage. In the long run, you’ll benefit—and so will your friendships.
Tell me what you have to think about this post.
Sophie
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